The Near Enemies of Courage in Coaching

When we think about courage in coaching, it’s easy to imagine the big moments: challenging a client, naming what’s unspoken, stepping into the arena ourselves as business owners.

But courage has imposters.

Psychologist Chris Germer talks about “near enemies”, states that look similar to the quality we’re aiming for, but actually undermine it. He contrasts these with “far enemies,” which are the obvious opposites.

The far enemies of courage are easy to spot: cowardice, avoidance, withdrawal. But the near enemies are trickier. They sneak in wearing courage’s clothing, and unless we’re paying attention, they can quietly take the driver’s seat in our coaching.

Far Enemies: The Easy Ones to Spot

Far enemies are the clear opposites.

• Choosing comfort instead of courage.

• Shutting down when things get hard.

• Protecting fragile self-worth by staying small.

These moments are uncomfortable, but they’re obvious. We usually know when we’re pulling back.

Near Enemies: The Ones That Trip Us Up

Near enemies are harder to spot because they look so much like the real thing. They trick us, and sometimes even others, into believing we’re practising courage, when really we’re doing something that quietly undermines it.

• Grounded Confidence vs. Knowing and Proving. Grounded confidence comes from clarity of values and presence in the moment. Its near enemy, knowing and proving, shows up when we want to be the “expert” in the room, offering answers or frameworks to demonstrate our worth. It looks strong, but it disconnects us from curiosity and humility.

• Practising Courage vs. Not Owning Our Hurt. Practising courage means being honest about our fears and hurts, and still choosing to show up. Its near enemy is pretending we’re “fine,” skating over what’s really going on. In coaching, that might look like avoiding naming our doubts in the relationship, or glossing over a client’s pain with a quick tool rather than sitting with the depth of it.

• Leaning into Vulnerability vs. Performing or Avoiding It. True vulnerability is showing up without guarantees. The near enemy is when we perform vulnerability (sharing in a way that manages how others see us) or avoid it altogether. For example, a coach might tell a “safe” story about their own struggles to appear open, without actually being present and real in the moment.

• Committing to Mastery vs. Self-Protecting with Perfectionism. Committing to mastery is about practice, feedback, and learning. Its near enemy, perfectionism, looks like a high standard but is actually about fear and self-protection. In coaching, that might show up as endlessly chasing qualifications or rehearsing sessions in our heads instead of being fully present with clients.

Near enemies are slippery because they look a lot like the real thing. They allow us to believe we’re choosing courage, when in fact we’re keeping ourselves safe.

My Own Near Enemy

For me, perfectionism has often crept in as a near enemy. I used to tell myself that one more qualification, one more piece of training, one more certificate would make me “ready.”

It looked like commitment to mastery. But underneath, it was fear, fear that who I was, as I was, wasn’t enough.

The real courage wasn’t in getting another certificate. It was in showing up with clients imperfectly, trusting that my humanity was as valuable as my training.

Spotting Near Enemies in Your Coaching

So how do we notice the near enemies at play in our practice? Here are some ways to pay attention:

1. Check your fuel. Ask yourself: is this action rooted in clarity and values, or in fear and proving?

2. Watch your impact. True courage empowers others. If your “courage” leaves your client smaller, dependent, or diminished, it may be a near enemy.

3. Notice the performance. Are you being real, or are you performing vulnerability, mastery, or strength to manage how others see you?

Why This Matters

As coaches, we hold a position of trust. Our clients may not be able to name the difference between courage and its near enemies in us, but they will feel the effects. Near enemies can erode trust and stunt growth, even if unintentionally.

When we cultivate awareness of these patterns, we protect the integrity of our coaching and model something powerful: the willingness to self-reflect, course-correct, and choose real courage over its imitators.

The Practice of Courage

Courage isn’t a one-time achievement. It’s a practice, a series of daily choices to show up with vulnerability, clarity, and grounded presence.

Spotting and naming near enemies is part of that practice. It’s how we stay honest with ourselves. It’s how we keep courage alive in our coaching and in our businesses.

Reflection for You

• Which near enemy feels most familiar in your coaching or business?

• How can you tell when it’s sneaking in?

• What support or practice would help you strengthen the real thing?

About me 

I’m Melissa Hague, a coach, courage-builder, and Certified Dare to Lead™ Practitioner. I support coaches to build the courage, compassion, and grounded confidence they need to show up more fully in their work and their lives.

In The Courageous Coach Programme starting in November 2025, we explore these subtleties together, the near enemies, the masks, and the practices that keep us rooted in grounded courage. 

Let’s connect here on LinkedIn — or you can find out more at https://www.melissahague.com/courageous-coaches.