The Messy Middle

There is something almost easier about courage in retrospect.

When we are on the other side of a hard decision, we can shape the story. We know how it ends. We can offer the insight, name the lesson, point to what we learned.

But I have been sitting with something lately that feels more uncomfortable than that.

I am not on the other side of anything right now.

I am in the middle of it.

I have been questioning what I want my business to look like. Redefining what success means to me. Sitting with options that feel uncomfortable, that could mean significant change, that do not have neat or obvious answers.

And the honest truth is that I do not know yet.

Brené Brown calls this the messy middle. The part of the story that does not make it into the highlight reel. The unglamorous stretch between starting something and finding solid ground again. It is not dramatic in the way that a crisis is dramatic. It is quieter than that, and somehow harder.

Because in the messy middle, there is no resolution to reach for. There is only the practice of staying present while part of you is desperate for certainty.

I notice the urge to rush myself. To arrive at a decision just to escape the discomfort of not having one. To perform clarity I do not yet feel.

And I am trying not to do that.

I am naming this here because I think it matters - not just for me, but for the work we do as coaches.

The messy middle is not a sign something has gone wrong

When we are in a period of genuine uncertainty, it is easy to interpret the discomfort as a problem to be solved. As evidence that we are lost, or behind, or lacking the self-awareness we should have by now.

But sitting with uncertainty is not the absence of courage. It often is courage.

It is the courage to resist false resolution. To stay honest rather than performing certainty.

To trust that something clearer will emerge, even when that trust feels thin.

The messy middle is not a detour from the journey. It is part of it.

What the messy middle asks of us as coaches

There is something quietly significant about a coach sitting in her own uncertainty.

Not because we should have all the answers, we know better than most that that is not how it works. But because the messy middle has a particular texture that is worth paying attention to.

It asks us to practise what we invite our clients into.

To be with not-knowing without rushing toward resolution. To stay curious rather than collapsing into self-criticism. To trust the process, even when the process feels slow and uncomfortable and unclear.

And when we can do that for ourselves, something shifts in how we hold it for others. We become less afraid of our clients' uncertainty. Less likely to rescue them from it. More able to stay present with them in the not-yet-knowing.

The messy middle in our own lives is not separate from our coaching work. It is part of it.

A few practices for staying present when you are in it

If you recognise the messy middle in your own life or work right now, these are not solutions, they are simply ways of staying with yourself while you are in it.

Notice the urge to rush. When the discomfort of uncertainty rises, there is often an impulse to reach for a decision, any decision, just to feel solid again. Try naming it: "I notice I want to rush to an answer." Naming the urge is not the same as acting on it.

Separate the discomfort from the meaning. Uncertainty feels uncomfortable. That discomfort is not evidence that something is wrong. It is evidence that something matters.

The two are not the same thing, even when they feel identical.

Stay close to what you know. Even in the middle of genuine uncertainty, there are usually some things that feel true. Your values. What matters most to you. What you are unwilling to compromise on. These are not the full answer, but they are a compass.

Be as honest with yourself as you would want your clients to be. We often extend more grace to others in the messy middle than we extend to ourselves. You do not have to perform clarity you do not feel.

Some reflections to sit with

Where in your life or work are you currently in the messy middle?

What story are you telling yourself about still being there?

What would it mean to trust yourself in the uncertainty, even without knowing the outcome?

Is there somewhere you are rushing toward resolution because the not-knowing feels too uncomfortable to stay with?

What might become possible if you allowed yourself a little more time?

The messy middle is not where things have gone wrong.

It is where the real work is happening.

And sometimes the most courageous thing is simply to stay honest while you are still inside it.

About me

I'm Melissa Hague, a coach, courage-builder, and Certified Dare to Lead™ Practitioner. I work with coaches who want to show up more fully, not just for their clients, but in their own lives and businesses too.

Much of my work sits in the quieter, more human side of coaching. The inner work. The small brave steps. The places where we learn to trust ourselves a little more deeply.

That is the heart of The Courageous Coach® Programme, the next cohort starts in September 2026 and is designed to help coaches build the courage, compassion, and grounded confidence to create a practice and a life that feel genuinely aligned.

You can find out more at melissahague.com/courageous-coaches, or come and connect with me here on LinkedIn.