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Writer's pictureMelissa

The Courageous Coach




Melissa stood in front of an arch


How to cultivate courage as a coach

A common perception people have about courage is that it happens in those big moments, like public speaking, or a career change, starting your own business - and it does.

But in my experience courage is most frequently found in those little moments: asking a curious question, admitting to a mistake, saying no, asking for help, setting a boundary, being visible, sitting with discomfort or maybe even hitting the post button on LinkedIn!

The good news is that courage is not something you either have or don't have, it's not an innate or noble quality, it's something that we can all develop.


Why is courage critical for coaches?

I'd like you to imagine an arch.........

On one side of the arch we have all of our coaching skills, all the things that we learnt at coach training school - rapport building, asking questions, deep listening, the coaching process and so on.

On the other side of the arch are all of our business skills, all the things we have learned in order to run a successful coaching business - sales, marketing, accounting and so on.

In the middle of the arch is the keystone. 

The keystone is the middle stone in the top of an arch that has a special shape and holds all the other stones in position. The arch gains its stability from the placement of the keystone, which is often the last one placed.

I believe that the keystone is Courage - because we can't use all those skills we've learned effectively without it.

Courage is what enables us to move from being a good coach to being a great coach.


Courage and Vulnerability

Brené Brown tells us that you can't get to courage without rumbling with vulnerability. So when we choose to be courageous with our lives, vulnerability always shows up. Vulnerability is the emotion we experience in times of risk, uncertainty and emotional exposure.

Now vulnerability DOES NOT feel good, in fact it's really hard and we can't make it any easier, we need to learn to lean into the vulnerability that is inevitable when we are about to do something brave.


The ways that we self-protect

The challenge is that when we feel vulnerable, we try to self-protect, Brené Brown calls this armour. We all use armour to protect ourselves, but the problem with armour is that it's heavy and prevents us from growing, being seen and being in connection with others. All of which are pretty critical as a coach!

The first step is to develop our awareness of our armour and the types of situations that may cause us to armour up, and then to develop alternative options. Start to get curious about the ways that you self-protect - what need is that armour meeting? How might your armour get in the way of connection, to yourself and your clients?


Arena moments

We use the metaphor of the arena to describe those moments where we share something of ourselves, with no control over the outcome or what people might think. 

In coaching these arena moments might be - asking the challenging question, sharing what you notice with a client, letting go of outcomes, putting down your clever, making yourself visible (on social media for example), saying no to work. 

In these moments we have a choice, we can armour up, which is essentially choosing comfort or we can keep the armour off and choose courage instead.

The challenge we have is that there are other people and things in the arena with us - the critics (internal and external), comparison, scarcity and shame and all the people who tell us what we should or shouldn't be doing.


So the question becomes, who is in your support section in your arena moments?

Who can offer you empathy and help you get back up if things don't go to plan?

What would it look like to offer yourself self-compassion in these moments? What would you say to yourself if you talked to yourself the way that you talk to someone that you care deeply about?

How can you lean into your values and develop your grounded confidence in these moments?

How are your levels of self-trust right now?

And if you choose to be brave with your life, at some point you will fall, you will suffer setbacks and disappointments. So what is your process for getting back up and going again?



Melissa Hague | Leadership Coach & Certifed Dare to Lead Facilitator

About the Author


Melissa is a Leadership Coach and Certified Dare to Leadâ„¢ Facilitator based in Dorset, with a particular interest in supporting leaders and coaches to be more courageous in their work and lives.


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