top of page

Curiosity and Coaching

Writer's picture: MelissaMelissa

Letters spelling "Curiosity" pinned with colorful tacks on corkboard. A blue circle with light bulb and text is in the corner. Vibrant mood.

I've been thinking a lot recently about curiosity, not least because it's a value of mine but also because it's an important part of my coaching practice. I believe that curiosity is a muscle that we need to exercise regularly to strengthen and if we don't it grows weaker and other muscles take over like knowing, self-protection and perfectionism.


Curiosity is also a critical part of being courageous, it has an important part to play in our grounded confidence when we show up without our armour (self-protection).


So here's where my research and thinking has got me so far.


In Brené Brown's book Atlas of the Heart, she draws a distinction between curiosity and interest. Suggesting that curiosity is both a "state and a trait", involving both feeling (emotion) and thinking (cognition). Whilst interest is really more about thinking, and she suggests that "interested is not who we are but how we are at a specific time". She also suggests that curiosity doesn't exist without interest, but we can be interested and not have our interest grow into curiosity.


How I interpret this is that curiosity isn't just about engaging our heads it's also about engaging our hearts.

"Curiosity is recognising a gap in our knowledge about something that interests us, and becoming emotionally and cognitively invested in closing that gap through exploration and learning." - Brené Brown

When I think about myself as coach, I would say I am interested in people, what makes them tick you might say. I think this interest has driven my education, my career choice and ultimately to becoming a coach. When I work with my clients I find myself firstly driven by that interest and then I become almost endlessly curious about what they will say next, where their thinking might take them and what we might discover together. 


What if I'm simply not curious or my curiosity gets in the way?

My research and thinking has also lead me to realise that there are two big watch-outs for me and my curiosity when I am coaching.


The first is that sometimes I can find myself judging my clients if I feel they are not curious enough! But perhaps more importantly I also notice that on occasion, my head is engaged with a client but not my heart. I think that leads to me remaining interested but ultimately never really getting curious. 


So, I am left asking myself this question - can I still do good work if I am simply interested in my client but not curious?


For now, I believe the answer is maybe, but it is really making think about the clients I attract and choose to work with - what type of clients and client challenges really pique my curiosity? Because I have no doubt that I do my best work when I am curious. 


The second thing I think we need to be aware of when it comes to curiosity is based on the work of George Loewenstein in the early nineties. He proposed that curiosity is the feeling of deprivation we experience when we identify and focus on a gap in our knowledge. 

I'm wondering whether curiosity in coaching can sometimes be driven by service to ourselves (our knowledge) and not to our clients (their knowledge). When I exercise my curiosity muscle in my coaching sessions is it always about my client learning and improving, or might I sometimes be driven by my own need to learn and improve? I suspect there should be a balance between the two, but am I getting that balance right?


Curiosity and Vulnerability

We also have to remember that to be curious is to be vulnerable.

"Choosing to be curious is choosing to be vulnerable because it requires us to surrender to uncertainty. We have to ask questions, admit to not knowing, risk being told we shouldn't be asking, and sometimes, make discoveries that lead to discomfort." - Brené Brown

As adults we have learnt that too much curiosity, just like too much vulnerability, can lead to hurt. So in response to that hurt or pain we self-protect. This means that we:


  • Choose certainty over curiosity

  • Self-protection over vulnerability

  • Knowing and proving over learning and improving


I believe these all get in the way of us being the best coaches we can be. It means that we have less courage, less compassion, less curiosity and ultimately less connection to the people we work with and the work that we do. This makes me sad because I know that it is these things that make human coaches so powerful, and unfortunately leads us to lean further into our process, tools and techniques as a way of being effective, rather than our humanity. 


Finally

Some questions for you to ponder:


  • What does being curious mean to you in your coaching practice?

  • How do you engage your curiosity muscle?

  • When might curiosity get in your way?

  • How do you move from interest to curiosity?

  • How do you notice when you are interested but not curious?


I'd love you to add to my thinking on this topic.


And if you want to strengthen your curiosity muscle and lean into the vulnerability that comes with the uncertainty of being curious, you know where I am.



Melissa Hague | Leadership Coach & Certifed Dare to Lead Facilitator

About the Author


Melissa is a Leadership Coach and Certified Dare to Leadâ„¢ Facilitator based in Dorset, with a particular interest in supporting leaders and coaches to be more courageous in their work and lives.


Comments


bottom of page