Seasons, Not Stalemates

I keep coming back to this image from Susan David.

The distinction she draws, between a stalemate and a season, is one I haven't been able to put down since I first read it.

I've been thinking about what it means, not just for us, but for the people we sit across from in our coaching rooms.

The stalemate story

A stalemate suggests something has gone wrong. It suggests two forces locked against each other, no movement possible, a problem requiring a solution.

A season is different. A season is simply where things are right now. It will pass, as seasons do, but it isn't asking to be solved. It's asking to be lived through.

The trouble is, most of us default to the stalemate story. When a client goes quiet, when they circle the same issue for weeks, when the energy in a session feels flat or stuck, it's easy to read that as a problem. Something we should be moving them out of. Something we haven't quite cracked yet.

Where this shows up in the coaching room

I think of the moments when a client seems to be treading water. Nothing dramatic is happening. There's no crisis, no breakthrough, just a kind of quiet plateau.

It can be tempting, in that space, to reach for something. A new model. A sharper question. A reframe designed to shake something loose.

Sometimes that's exactly what's needed.

But sometimes what looks like stagnation is actually a season doing its slow work. And if we mistake it for a stalemate, we risk rushing a client past something that simply needed time.

This is where the pull to fix becomes worth noticing in ourselves. Not because fixing is wrong, but because it can quietly override our ability to just be present with what's actually happening.

Holding the season, not just the client

Susan talks about seasons needing self-compassion. A heart turned towards the fluidity of life and learning.

I think that applies to us as much as it applies to our clients.

When we're with someone in a season, our own discomfort can rise just as fast as theirs. We might feel useless if there's no clear next step to offer. We might start privately wondering if we're doing this coaching thing right, if there should be more visible progress by now.

That discomfort is worth turning towards with the same compassion we'd offer the client. Because the truth is, we can't hold space for someone else's season if we're busy fighting our own instinct to hurry it along.

Being with a client in this way doesn't mean doing nothing. It means resisting the urge to manufacture movement where the moment is asking for presence instead.

What this asks of us

It asks for patience that doesn't come from disengagement, but from trust. Trust that the client's process is theirs to move through, not ours to accelerate.

It asks us to stay curious about what the season might be doing, rather than anxious about how long it's lasting.

And it asks us to notice, honestly, when our need to see progress is more about our own comfort than the client's actual readiness.

A few reflections to sit with

Where in your coaching practice do you tend to read a stalemate when it might actually be a season?

What is it in you that gets uncomfortable when a client's process slows down?

How might your presence change if you trusted the season to be doing its own quiet work?

What would it look like to offer yourself the same self-compassion you'd want your client to have in a season of their own?

There is a tomorrow waiting for our fierceness. But some days, the most courageous thing we can offer, ourselves and our clients, is simply to be, right where we are.

About Melissa Hague

I'm Melissa Hague — a coach, courage-builder, and Certified Dare to Lead™ Practitioner. I support coaches to build the courage, compassion, and grounded confidence they need to show up more fully in their work, their lives, and their businesses.

Much of my work centres on the quieter, more human side of coaching — the inner work, the small brave steps, and the spaces where we learn to trust ourselves a little more deeply. I trained with Susan David in 2025 and am close to completing my Emotional Agility Certification. It's at the heart of what we explore inside The Courageous Coach® Programme.

Find out more at melissahague.com/courageous-coaches and let's connect here on LinkedIn.