Bravery is a skill.
Many of us think courage is an innate or noble quality - you either have it or you don't. But courage is a skill we can all develop, as Brene Brown teaches us in her book Dare to Lead.
As a coach, courage is essential to your success. You'll need courage to challenge your clients, to ask questions you don’t know the answer to, to let go of your expertise and what you think you know, to set clear boundaries and to make yourself more visible to the people you’d like to work with. Developing courage is possible if you focus on building the necessary skills.
Start by getting comfortable with discomfort. The situations that require bravery are often new and unfamiliar. That discomfort you feel is normal, and you shouldn't try to ignore it. Sit with the discomfort and allow yourself to feel afraid while being courageous anyway. This ability to hold two emotions at once is key.
Next, practice self-compassion. Perfectionists and people-pleasers can struggle to be courageous because they're afraid of criticism or disappointing others. Counter this by treating yourself with the same compassion as a friend in a similar situation. Recognise you're doing the best you can to develop new skills.
Another tip is to reframe the narrative. That self-doubt and those negative thoughts questioning your abilities are normal, but don't let them become your truth. Reframe that internal narrative and focus instead on growth and development. Remind yourself that courage is a skill you're building.
Start small to build confidence. Look for everyday opportunities to practice courageous behaviours, like saying no, taking on tasks that push you out of your comfort zone, or having tricky conversations about small issues. Small victories will nurture the confidence you need for bigger acts of courage.
And sometimes, you just have to feel the fear and do it anyway. That difficult conversation about contracting or asking your client the question they won’t ask themselves won't get any less scary. Summon your courage, lean into the discomfort and know that courage can get easier with practice. With each courageous act, you're building your confidence muscle.
Don't go it alone. Ask trusted mentors and fellow coaches to support you as you build these skills. Their advice, experience and encouragement can make acts of courage feel much less daunting. And find yourself a community, online or offline, to share the journey with others working on courage.
With practice, courage becomes a habit. Focus on progress over perfection. Reflect on what went well after each brave step, not where you faltered. Over time, summoning bravery in all the uncertainty and discomfort of coaching will get easier. But it does take work. As Brene Brown says, "Brave is a verb" - an action we intentionally choose and develop through constant practice.
About the Author
Melissa is a Leadership Coach and Certified Dare to Lead™ Facilitator based in Dorset, with a particular interest in supporting leaders and coaches to be more courageous in their work and lives.
Find out more about Dare to Lead for Coaches, Dare to Lead for Leaders or One to One and team coaching.
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