Courage is a Choice. Confidence is a State.

Melissa
Jul 8, 2025
3 min read

As coaches, we talk a lot about confidence. Building it. Lacking it. Helping clients find it.

But confidence is slippery. Some days it’s there, some days it’s not. Sometimes it turns up when we least expect it. Other times it disappears just when we need it most.

Lately, I’ve been thinking more about the difference between confidence and courage, and why it matters.

Here’s a distinction that keeps coming up:

Courage is a choice. Confidence is a state.

Let’s take them one at a time.

Courage is a choice

Courage is behavioural. It happens in a moment. It’s the act of doing something that feels uncomfortable, exposing, or uncertain.

You choose to:

speak up,
say no,
take the leap,
ask the question,
share the thing you’re scared will sound stupid,
show up imperfectly.

You don’t need to feel ready. You don’t need to feel good. You just need to act.

That’s what makes courage so powerful. It’s not dependent on mood, preparation, or mindset. It’s a decision, and it’s often made in the presence of fear, doubt or discomfort.

You can be shaking and still be brave. You can act while telling yourself, “This might go terribly.”

The point isn’t the absence of fear, it’s the presence of willingness.

Confidence is a state

Confidence is internal. It’s a felt sense of capability, belief, or readiness.

It’s something we notice in hindsight. “I felt confident in that session.” “I finally feel confident putting my offer out there.”

But confidence is unpredictable. It ebbs and flows. And it doesn’t always match reality. You can be highly competent and still feel unsteady. Or feel confident and be way out of your depth.

Importantly, confidence isn’t a decision. You can’t just summon it by wanting it.

But you can build it. Over time. Through action.

And here’s the rub: that action usually requires courage first.

Confidence follows courage

So many coaches I work with say things like:

“I just need more confidence before I do that.”
“Once I feel more confident, I’ll put it out there.”
“I want to wait until I feel ready.”

But confidence doesn’t usually come before the thing. It comes after. After you press publish. After you send the message. After you run the session, post the price, show your face.

You don’t wait for confidence. You act with courage, and confidence builds from the experience.

Even if it goes badly, you survive it. You learn. You recalibrate. That too builds confidence.

Why this matters in coaching

It matters for us as coaches. When we wait for confidence, we stay safe. When we choose courage, we grow. That might be in how we coach, how we run our business, or how we show up publicly.

It also matters for our clients. If we equate courage with confidence, we might miss the moment they are being brave, even if they’re full of fear and doubt.

And we might reinforce the idea that confidence is a requirement for action. It isn’t.

A simple reframing

So here’s something to sit with:

You don’t have to feel confident to be courageous.
You don’t have to feel ready to take a brave step.
You don’t have to wait.

Confidence might show up later. But courage? That’s yours to choose..........right now.

Finally

If you like some help developing your courage so you can feel confident, you know where I am.

About Me

I'm a coach, supervisor, and courage cultivator, supporting coaches to lean into vulnerability, embrace their humanity, and show up with courage in their coaching practice and businesses.

Through my work, including The Courageous Coach Programme launching in November 2025, I help coaches move beyond collecting tools and techniques, and instead build the inner foundations needed for transformational coaching.

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